Is this it?

I decided to keep everything real when I started this blog. I didn't want to just post pictures about fashion or anything, I wanted to tell the truth, let everyone be reminded of real life and how we are not all perfect photos. I was recently engaged, and by that I mean, just a few days ago. I was not completely aware of how terrible things were in my relationship and I guess you could say I was kind of oblivious to how the other person was feeling. It's completely shattering when  you wake up and find out that the life you were about to share isn't going to happen and you have been wasting time planning for it. I have spent countless hours trying to come up with answers for my own questions and I will probably never know the answers. I honestly thought I was going to be happy, and have a wonderful life. But some times, things from the past can't stay in the past, and things always get messy. Maybe I have my own problems with jealousy, or maybe my trust gets tested more than it should, or maybe my mistakes are far greater than I would have ever imagined. I don't have the answer and I certainly can't explain everything. 

I really just want the other person to be happy but I also wanted them with me. I found pictures of my own life and tried to put them together to where they made sense and weren't just random photos of memories. Sometimes I think I need to go back and think about everything in my life to figure out where I'm going. Or at least have a better idea of who I am. I do believe that sometimes, we use things, objects, fashion, drinking, smoking, things that don't really matter in life, to define us. And once things that don't really matter take over, we have no clue who we are, or what we are doing. We feel empty and go looking for even more things that will give up happiness. We stop trying to do things that matter, and trying to gain our hopes and dreams. I will be the first to admit that I have fallen victim to this lifestyle and I always end up at the end of the day questioning what I am doing. 

Sure, maybe this is just post break-up talk but when you feel like life is defined by things, and nothing else, what kind of happiness can be found?