Bitter Sweet Devoations

I decided to challenge myself by turning my past relationship into a mixtape. It was much harder than I thought it would be, songs didn't just pop into my head like I thought they would. It was still a lot of fun. The hardest thing is to not repeat the same artist.
This would be fun to use with any life event or just see if you can put your life into a mixtape. Along with album art. 

1) Alone together- Daley
2)Magic Position- Patrick Wolf
3)No one's gonna love you-Band of Horses
4) Starlight-Muse
4)Can't Stand Me Now- The Libertines
5) One- U2
6)Heavy in Your Arms-Florence and the Machine
7)Everything Will Be Alright- The Killers
8)Gotta Have you-The Weepies
9) I see you, I see me- The Magic Numbers
10)Born to Die- Lana Del Rey
11)I Still Remember - Bloc Party
12) Simple kind of Life- No doubt

Modcloth obsessed. 1

It's not secret that I have a major obession with Modcloth. I love looking through the clothes and finding stuff that works perfectly together. Here is just one example. 

Perfect for fall, if you ask me. 

Altogether entrancing dress

Infinite zest scarf 

Charter school cardigan 

Knittin pretty thigh highs

Come panacea bout me boot

*all photos from Modcloth

Music Mondays.

I love listening to music. Even more so when it is on vinyl. I think it is a more interactive way to listen due to having to drop the needle and focus if you are going to find a song in the middle of one side. I can't just play records on here so I will post videos of songs I am currently listening to/in love with.

                                             Florence and the Machine- What kind of Man

    

The Killers- The World we Live In

   

U2- Love is Blindness

 

Jack White- Love is Blindness

I know it seems redundant to post the same song but I have a hard time deciding which is better, the original U2 or Jack White's, which appears on the Great Gatsby soundtrack.

*all videos found on youtube. I don't own any rights.

Strong minds & hard heads.

I have been told many times through out my life span that I am extremely  hard headed. This doesn't just come from friends or boyfriends, I heard it from my parents as well. I was warned that if I didn't change or learn to be laid back, I wouldn't have many friends nor would I ever have a successful relationship. (Funny how that apple fell right under that tree). Is it true? Yes. I am hard headed and once I get an idea about myself or something that I think should have a high opinion, I don't let go for anyone. Perfect way of staying out of trouble in high school but in the real world, sometimes you have to learn to bend. 

I'm not saying that since everyone I know is out hardcore partying, then I should be doing the same because I'll be alone if I don't, I'm saying that sometimes you have to open up to other's ideas. Learn something, maybe try new ways of thinking. It's still a hard concept for me. I pride myself on independent thought. But how else would I ever be able to say, I completely understand, or can relate if I never see anyone else's point of view.? 

Ever feel like?

I have been diving deep into a journey of self discovery. It's time to stop finding reasons to be sad and to see what the future will hold. I suffer from low self esteem and inner demons, and for once I feel like it's time to find reasons to love myself. Not even because I believe I need to since no one else will, but because I can not love myself, how would I ever be able to truly love someone else? 

I know it's difficult to see what others may see in yourself and even harder when it feels like the ones who love you are the ones that have issues with you. My best advice to anyone who can not see the best in themselves, is write it all down. The bad, the good, the times when you are unsure. It all adds up.  And slowly, over time, it will be easy to hold your head up high, and be happy. I know if I can do it, anyone can. 

Post-break up movies.

After breaking up, I can't help but want to watch movies that make me feel less alone. Or maybe I'm just wanting some else to feel my pain. Here is a list of movies that I almost always turn to. 

Of course this is top of the list. Who wouldn't want to be able to erase the memories they had of someone who broke their heart? Everyone!! 

I fellow in love with movie as soon as I started watching. Recording an album to get over someone and it not trying to get rich off of it...hello! True love! 

While this a some what sad movie, I love watching it. Something about it just seems real. 

Is this it?

I decided to keep everything real when I started this blog. I didn't want to just post pictures about fashion or anything, I wanted to tell the truth, let everyone be reminded of real life and how we are not all perfect photos. I was recently engaged, and by that I mean, just a few days ago. I was not completely aware of how terrible things were in my relationship and I guess you could say I was kind of oblivious to how the other person was feeling. It's completely shattering when  you wake up and find out that the life you were about to share isn't going to happen and you have been wasting time planning for it. I have spent countless hours trying to come up with answers for my own questions and I will probably never know the answers. I honestly thought I was going to be happy, and have a wonderful life. But some times, things from the past can't stay in the past, and things always get messy. Maybe I have my own problems with jealousy, or maybe my trust gets tested more than it should, or maybe my mistakes are far greater than I would have ever imagined. I don't have the answer and I certainly can't explain everything. 

I really just want the other person to be happy but I also wanted them with me. I found pictures of my own life and tried to put them together to where they made sense and weren't just random photos of memories. Sometimes I think I need to go back and think about everything in my life to figure out where I'm going. Or at least have a better idea of who I am. I do believe that sometimes, we use things, objects, fashion, drinking, smoking, things that don't really matter in life, to define us. And once things that don't really matter take over, we have no clue who we are, or what we are doing. We feel empty and go looking for even more things that will give up happiness. We stop trying to do things that matter, and trying to gain our hopes and dreams. I will be the first to admit that I have fallen victim to this lifestyle and I always end up at the end of the day questioning what I am doing. 

Sure, maybe this is just post break-up talk but when you feel like life is defined by things, and nothing else, what kind of happiness can be found?